i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Randomize
