I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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