I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
me + whiskey = a bad person
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
