i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
