jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
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He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
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