in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
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