What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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