Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
