I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
