have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
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He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
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no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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