Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
