Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
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