i think my mom watched the whole time
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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