I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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