Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
