I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
