Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
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