I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
