I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
