well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize