First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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