By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Randomize
