you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
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