thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
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