I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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