Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
