new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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