I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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