there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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