I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
