I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
