You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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