Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
