I'm jealous of your bromance
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
