I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
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More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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