maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
