Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
