you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
How does one acquire holy water?
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
