Welp...herpes.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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