okay pat passed out under dana's car
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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