i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
