My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
