can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
