I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
