Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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