Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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