Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Randomize
