NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
