White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
