have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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