we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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