Texts From Last Night

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  (404): View more from Georgia

  Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.

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  (404): Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are. http://tfl.nu/hb6o
  Replies (10) Good night (3534) Bad night (406)
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  (773): View more from Illinois

  Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.

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  (773): Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem. http://tfl.nu/9i07
  Replies (30) Good night (5166) Bad night (777)
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  (812): View more from Indiana

  he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.

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  (812): he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway. http://tfl.nu/rhuh
  Replies (13) Good night (574) Bad night (2079)
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  (201): View more from New Jersey

  you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.

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  (201): you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time. http://tfl.nu/39ft
  Replies (28) Good night (1897) Bad night (3089)
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  (518): View more from New York

  He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.

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  (518): He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here. http://tfl.nu/dgde
  Replies (15) Good night (547) Bad night (3205)
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  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees

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  (724): If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees http://tfl.nu/kant
  Replies (17) Good night (4243) Bad night (1186)
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  (815): View more from Illinois

  So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.

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  (815): So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit. http://tfl.nu/x6k6
  Replies (33) Good night (7389) Bad night (985)
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  (704): View more from North Carolina

  Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.

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  (704): Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people. http://tfl.nu/g4iv
  Replies (6) Good night (3593) Bad night (733)
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  (406): View more from Montana

  I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.

  (1-406): View more from Montana

  Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.

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  (406): I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight. (1-406): Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it. http://tfl.nu/p8t9
  Replies (10) Good night (3382) Bad night (859)
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  (212): View more from New York

  1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.

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  (212): 1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square. http://tfl.nu/c9pr
  Replies (4) Good night (2407) Bad night (938)
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  (410): View more from Maryland

  My mouth holds just enough water for my bong

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  (410): My mouth holds just enough water for my bong http://tfl.nu/u9dn
  Replies (7) Good night (2064) Bad night (962)
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  (949): View more from California

  it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable

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  (949): it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable http://tfl.nu/8shm
  Replies (13) Good night (3621) Bad night (1145)
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  (708): View more from Illinois

  is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro

  (773): View more from Illinois

  yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.

  (708): View more from Illinois

  how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?

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  (708): is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro (773): yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house. (708): how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience? http://tfl.nu/hgr9
  Replies (10) Good night (5229) Bad night (705)
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  (314): View more from Missouri

  It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.

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  (314): It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection. http://tfl.nu/ccuk
  Replies (8) Good night (497) Bad night (2441)
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  (516): View more from New York

  I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"

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  (516): I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park" http://tfl.nu/phni
  Replies (3) Good night (1013) Bad night (415)

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