I wish you could order shots online.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
These 19 Men’s Fashion Mistakes are Unforgivable, According to Women
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
25 Cringeworthy Below the Pants Injuries
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook