you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.