He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects