Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
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