the day after is always just damage control
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Randomize
