the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
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His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
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Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate