Texts From Last Night

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  (931): View more from Tennessee

  Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.

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  (931): Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight. http://tfl.nu/ee6d
  Replies (5) Good night (2253) Bad night (786)
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  (914): View more from New York

  Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.

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  (914): Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall. http://tfl.nu/ft7q
  Replies (12) Good night (3251) Bad night (630)
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  (260): View more from Indiana

  dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?

  (1-260): View more from Indiana

  what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing

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  (260): dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian? (1-260): what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing http://tfl.nu/axih
  Replies (51) Good night (18518) Bad night (1480)
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  (740): View more from Ohio

  it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second

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  (740): it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second http://tfl.nu/z13t
  Replies (11) Good night (1280) Bad night (5329)
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  (601): View more from Mississippi

  I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.

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  (601): I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha. http://tfl.nu/8fn5
  Replies (7) Good night (2281) Bad night (1050)
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  (347): View more from New York

  These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.

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  (347): These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever. http://tfl.nu/3sd9
  Replies (14) Good night (3663) Bad night (1122)
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  (785): View more from Kansas

  I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man

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  (785): I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man http://tfl.nu/ay55
  Replies (10) Good night (2796) Bad night (805)
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  (585): View more from New York

  they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too

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  (585): they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too http://tfl.nu/0m73
  Replies (6) Good night (3473) Bad night (897)
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  (571): View more from Virginia

  FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.

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  (571): FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool. http://tfl.nu/xgys
  Replies (3) Good night (2391) Bad night (747)
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  (941): View more from Florida

  My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.

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  (941): My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order. http://tfl.nu/gp8x
  Replies (7) Good night (651) Bad night (1598)
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  (720): View more from Colorado

  Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.

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  (720): Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober. http://tfl.nu/o1fz
  Replies (1) Good night (1153) Bad night (561)
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  (714): View more from California

  You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.

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  (714): You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid. http://tfl.nu/jhks
  Replies (5) Good night (556) Bad night (979)
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  (406): View more from Montana

  There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.

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  (406): There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry. http://tfl.nu/fovj
  Replies (3) Good night (938) Bad night (428)
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  (516): View more from New York

  My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?

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  (516): My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently? http://tfl.nu/xsqm
  Replies (5) Good night (616) Bad night (1006)
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  (407): View more from Florida

  Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...

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  (407): Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school... http://tfl.nu/m7rc
  Replies (2) Good night (787) Bad night (479)

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