You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
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