i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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