look no pants
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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