Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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