Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
