my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
