Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
