So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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