i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
