Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
