I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
