good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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