the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
