Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Help. Why am I so naked?
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