I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
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I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
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Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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