the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Randomize
